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by now I know




I

by now I know where to hang my coat, 
when I come to see you
by now I know when to not take you-
seriously, by now I know
how to wash the dishes
how to hold a space, a body
how to eat ice cream and not your opinion of me 
by now, I know how I fall in limbo
and how to make myself comfortable 
by now I know how to get on a plane 
and to cry looking out the window 
I swear by now I know 
to use a map to go places I already know 
I know by now how thin walls can be 
and how thick the snow
by now I know what you see in me
but what you don’t know 


II

by now I know
how you like mayonnaise and I don’t 
by now, I know where we stand,
I’ll let you know 
as I crawl the deep steep corridor, 
I know how to find the door
I swear I know by now how to mop the floor
how to fall, to resist to grow 
I know by now how not to own anything - I know, I know 
by now my lines are drawn 
I know by now it will come and go 
and when it does I know I will remember it all 
by now, this is pretty much all I know 


III

I know by now how the body will tell you,
if there is something wrong
by now I know how to drink hot tea in a cold shower,
and how to take things slow
by now I know
who to apologize and what for
I think I know by now,
what I had not known before




(This poem has been longlisted for and published in the collection book in the Poetry Contest LS 2021)